


A Doomed Kiss

by laveIIans



Series: Multifandom Prompts [2]
Category: Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-29 23:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8509573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laveIIans/pseuds/laveIIans
Summary: Lestat muses on his relationship with Nicki and gives him a kiss that spells their impending end, and all the emotions that come along with it...





	

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt fic inspired by [this post right here](http://jellopunch.tumblr.com/post/130088269863/signs-of-affection-romance-prompt-meme) and requested by [Yağmur](@existentiaIvoid) on twitter.  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you want to have a prompt fic written for your fandom and pairing, I'm taking requests! I'm using the links [here](http://jellopunch.tumblr.com/post/130088269863/signs-of-affection-romance-prompt-meme) and [here](http://citrusconcerto.tumblr.com/post/82097219103/flowers-and-prompts) so either leave it in the comments or [dm/tweet me](https://twitter.com/laveIIans)!

I suppose I had always loved him, even before I became a vampire and in turn made him my fledgling. There was just something utterly captivating about him - he was a pessimist eternally bound to suffer brooding fits of melancholy, where he would lament his fate and his uneasiness with the new world he now lived in. He felt forced into it, which was something I slightly understood myself. I was abducted by Magnus, after all, and I did not ask to be sired. It simply happened, much like rain will eventually fall from the sky and day will eventually become night; and perhaps it was to be expected anyway. He seemed a lonely sort, and I have always been an attractive man, both as a mortal and now, in the prime of my state as a vampire, with all the blessings of immortality to ensure my beauty - for that is what it is; _beauty_ , and it is no great exaggeration to call it such, and not merely 'handsomeness', for that would insult the extent of my good looks and all those who appreciate them - should never fade. I was truly blessed, although it had not always seemed that way to me as I struggled for years without a guiding hand. I was both teacher and pupil, and the two do not lie easy in oneself. Still, I managed somehow, whether through divine providence or sheer luck. I like to think it was both - who can resist a pretty face, and the urge to ensure it has the best of all lives? Name me any deity, or any who have claimed to be as such, and I would provide them with a chance to gaze upon my face and be tempted; they certainly would be, every single one, and I truly believe that without hesitation, for it is the truth of my looks, and one I am proud of. If you doubt me, remember this - even God made a son, and all His people are made in His image. Mine is a particularly attractive image, I grant you, but it still holds - what should that say about one such as a god? I leave you to answer that question amongst yourselves, for I fear that, though the answer is obvious to all with sense, it would only enrage my detractors if I were to announce it.  


  


Nicki understood. I think even _before_ I became a vampire, he loved me. He loved my manner, for, in truth, name me a man or woman who didn't - especially once they gave me the cloak and boots for my heroics, a reward unasked for but gladly given? They fell into their gratitude with a fervour usually reserved for the worship of saints, and though it sickened me at the time, I made no complaint. It would not be seemly, although it left me in disgust with myself for quite a long time afterwards, and I fear I would have gone mad entirely without Nicky at my side. He returned me to myself, and now it was _my_ turn to be grateful; the doting dog at his master's heel, a part I feel I played excellently and without flaw. 

I gazed upon him in the Theatre as he raged. He was furious about something or other. I had grown lost in my own thoughts, and paid little attention to him other than the fact he was raving about something. His fits of misery had grown only stronger recently, as if a hideous demon gnawed at his breast and clawed at his heart, tormenting him until he could stand it no longer and snapped, releasing his unbridled fury onto the world as it mingled with his sadness at the _unfairness_ of it all. God had truly played a cruel trick to create one with a face such as himself, a face that would put an angel to shame, and have such a tempest of emotion housed inside him. Heaven knows I am not one to suffer to these same fits of sadness that Nicki was prisoner to, a charming thrall, yet it made even me feel a tinge of regret. Had I done the right thing in siring him? 

It had only made him look more beautiful. 

It had only made him cling more strongly to madness. 

I had no idea what to think, or even _how._ He began pacing towards me, his fists bunched up at his sides and his eyes blazing. God help me, but his passions only served to make him look _more_ exquisite as they made his features appear stronger. 

"Nicki, my love," I called out warmly. "Come and sit here awhile. Tell me your troubles, that I might soothe the fury from your face and calm that angry heart of yours." I gave him a smile, innocent as could be, and patted the seat next to my own. 

"Do not presume to mock me, Lestat!" He shouted, yet he sat next to me all the same. He did not lean away or recoil when I turned to face him, either. I wondered if he felt the same sense of passion that I did, and shivered slightly. "This is not a happy little game of yours! You do not understand!" He grabbed my hands roughly and wrapped his own over the top. I was well and truly taken - his grip was too tight to escape - and I both loved and hated it, much like he loved and hated me. 

"It would perhaps be easier for me to understand your pain if you did not transfer it to me so physically, Nicki," I replied calmly, trying not to show the multitude of emotions that he had brought out in me. I did not want to admit it even to myself; best leave that for later. Quite a deal later, mind you. 

"You insufferable bastard," he hissed, but he eased his grip on me. Nicki did not let go, and for that I was glad. Glad, and a little worried as to what he might do next. "You take nothing seriously. You live life as though there will be no consequences tomorrow, and you _relish_ in it. I do not think I would even find a conscious if I cut a scalpel into your chest and ripped your _heart_ from you. You would not care, and only ask for more." 

That _hurt,_ and it surprised me. I thought I was trying to suppress my feelings to avoid aggravating the situation? Well, as in various other circumstances, which others would happily tell you about, I failed, and I failed miserably. I was not proud to admit it, either. "Nicki, you are being _cruel_ -" 

"No, Lestat, _you_ are the one who is being cruel! You take all the joys in life and refuse the pain! You take it for granted that the world will grant you pleasantries and sulk when it doesn't, but that's the way it's _meant_ to be! A vampire is not supposed to be an all-powerful monster; we are supposed to _fear_ the world around us because at any moment we could be discovered, or the sun would shine on our faces, and we would _die_ without it meaning anything at all. Don't you _see?_ " 

I saw. I saw that his face was inches from mine, and that all I wanted to do was kiss it and forget everything that had happened. 

  


So I did. I tried not to feel the tears that fell down his cheeks as he kissed me, even though he did not resist me. His mouth opened to accept my tongue just as mine accepted his, and we moved our arms to embrace each other. We held each other tightly for a moment as we kissed and he cried. I did not. I _would_ not. Not because I did not feel the same pain he did, but because I did not want him to know. I did not even want to admit to myself that he was right, insufferably _right_ , and I was in the wrong. I had failed him many times, and never acknowledged it, not even in my own heart. So I kissed him instead, and he kissed me, and it was full of regret and pain that I would not voice that mingled with his own. It was the saddest kiss I had ever experienced, but God help me, I never wanted it to end. I wanted to kiss him forever, so that we would not have to return to the moment from before. I did not want to argue anymore; I wanted to lay myself bare the way he had, and I wanted things to be alright between us again. Once more, it was my fault that they were not, and it would be my fault again that I would not bring myself to accept it and resolve it. I pushed him away, even as my arms pulled him closer, and I tore myself in two without even noticing. 

He was the one that broke off the kiss as he wiped his tears away. "Lestat," he whispered. "You _can't_ do this. It's not fair. It's not _right_." His voice wavered, almost as if he was on the verge of crying once more. 

"Nicki, _please_ -" 

" _No_." He glared at me again, even as his eyes were red from crying and his lip trembled with the effort of withholding tears. "I'm going to leave now. Don't follow me. I don't think I want to see you for a while." He began to turn and walk away from me. 

" _Nicki_ -" 

"Goodbye, Lestat." Those were the last words he said to me that day, and I did not see him before the day ended. I do not know where he went, and I knew I would not be welcome if I followed him. 

I should have done, and I didn't. My pride was too strong. I acknowledge that now, in hindsight. I can acknowledge _many_ such mistakes, and the greatest of all was the way I treated him. He was no Louis; he was his own self, and I do not think I ever really saw that until it was far too late to take it back, for both their sakes. 

He left me alone in the darkening theatre, alone with myself, the worst vampire - no, the worst _man_ \- in the whole world, and I almost wished for the sun to burn me clean away from it all. Yet it didn't, and would not save me from myself. 

I sat there and drowned in my own regrets, knowing full well he would have enjoyed it. At least, I hoped so. He deserved better. 


End file.
